It was a dark and stormy night...I couldn't sleep because I had drank absurd amounts of Mr. Pibb right before bedtime. So while Hunter crashed into a deep peaceful sleep, I was out on the couch rewatching the season premier of Gossip Girl (duh) and attempting to do some homework (yeah right). As I lay there on the couch, out of the corner of my eye I saw something move on the balcony so I looked over and A PERSON WAS STA....no just a ladder. whew. But I did jump like a mile because I really did think the ladder was a person or a monster or both. Anyway, so I half chuckled at my paranoia, half shivered at the thought of someone climbing up our balcony. 'Did Hunter lock the balcony door before he went to sleep? Should I go over and lock the...omg I love this part when Chuck says to Blaire All I want is for you to be happy' ugh my heart is melting.' (I'm letting you inside my head here if you didn't catch that. I just really want you to think what I thought and feel what I felt, its part of the whole horror story element). Anyways so I'm just sitting there for a couple more minutes, watching, facebooking, blog-stalking, pretending to do homework, when SUDDENLY THE BALCONY DOOR SWINGS WIDE OPEN! I'M NOT TALKING LIKE CREAKS OPEN, I'M TALKING BURSTS OPEN SO HARD IT MAKES A DENT IN THE WALL! I sat there literally paralized with fear, staring out the door at the black abyss just waiting for the person-monster to come take me away forever, my eyes wider than when I see a commercial for McDonalds on a fast Sunday. After a few terrifying seconds I snapped to my senses and literally ran like the person-monster was at my heels to the bedroom and jumped on Hunter and I think screamed a little too loud for him to wake up. He was very groggy so he zombie-walked to the balcony and shut the door but I knew in my heart it was too late, the monster was inside. When he came back in the room he grumbled "it's a really windy night" and fell back asleep. I'm sorry, did I miss something here? Since when does the wind turn door knobs? Especially sticky door knobs that I always have trouble opening in the first place? This story is full of holes. Seconds later, my supposed knight in shining armor was snoring and I was left to keep watch for the rest of the night.
THE END
Sometimes the girl that lives above us drops a broom or something in the middle of the night and I sit straight up and thing my husband has been shot. Unfortunately, I am just a light sleeper, luckily there was no real life monster in my home.
ReplyDeleteSuper creepy!!! I have often wondered why men do not fear for their safety like women do. I have come to the conclusion that it is because we fear that we will be kidnapped, raped, and tortured. Men just don't have to worry about that and they figure the odds of that happening to us are slim. I don't know. I would have peed my pants if I were you!
ReplyDeleteAubs this happens to me ALL the time. I hear someone break in almost every night and Matt just snores away.
ReplyDeletehahahaha i love you guys. i'm so glad to know i'm not the only paranoit crazy girl in this scary world.
ReplyDeleteSorry. Some random babbling thoughts of Kristen:
ReplyDeleteI think husbands just value sleep more than life. Kevin would have slept through it too (just like how he sleeps through Madi EVERY night and says in the morning "Madi did great last night, didn't she?"). I wish we could find the switch in our brains to temporarily shut off the thinking, worrying, fearing, planning part of our brains so we could get some decent sleep. and I 2nd the "I would have peed my pants" comment.
Aubrey is exaggerating. I killed the monster with a golf club and told her that the wind blew the door open. Let's be honest! :)
ReplyDeleteHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA I love this post because we are the same person. Your train of thought throughout the potential monster attack was exactly what my thoughts would have been.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure I've told you before that I read your blog, so don't be shocked and creeped out when you see that I'm posting.
P.S. Call me so we can discuss the GG season premier.